How Microdosing Helped Me Heal My Depression
And how it might help you too.
Microdosing psychedelics (and psychedelics in general) is becoming a hugely popular topic and not just with the hippies in the neighbourhood, though many of them are likely giving 'I told you so' vibes right about now.
The use of many of the traditional psychedelics and plant medicines have their roots in ancient and indigenous traditions and are now making their way (back) into mainstream consciousness. Westerners began scientific study into these traditional plants in the 20th century but were thrown into silence and moved underground in the 1960s/70s. The story of the prohibition of such powerful, highly effective and sacred compounds is a story for another time. Right now, let's talk about what microdosing is and how I used it as part of my healing protocol for depression and anxiety.
What is microdosing?
Microdosing is the act of taking sub-perceptual amounts of a psychedelic as part of a regular scheduled protocol, to foster a greater quality of life. The amounts ingested are so small that they function on the brain and body without the user having sensation - i.e. you would never be tripping. You gain the physical, psychological and spiritual benefits of psychedelics all while going on about life as you normally would. Many users report, fairly quickly, increases in mood, productivity, flow states, decreases in self-criticism and more ease in life. Long term users have managed to balance treatment resistant depression, crippling social anxiety, migraine reduction and so very much more.
*For my own microdosing, I use Psilocybin, also known as magic mushrooms. The studies on the efficacy of psilocybin are showing amazing results in all sorts of areas from healing depression, OCD and migraines to kicking alcoholism. Psilocybin is non-addictive, non-habit forming and doesn't need to be used long term to be effective - a huge blow to major pharmaceutical companies.
Research has shown that even people with treatment resistant forms of depression (those who have traditionally not responded to medications or other interventions) can overcome their dis-ease with the help of Psilocybin. That's great news for a massive portion of our societies that are currently living with varying degrees of anxiety, depression and immense stress. It means there's a safe, natural alternative to pharmaceuticals or other, occasionally-fun-for-a-moment-but-painful-longterm methods of self-medicating.
Some things/traumas/habits are deeply embedded in the psyche, meaning they are deeply entrenched neural pathways. Some forms of these very deep traumas such as PTSD, treatment resistant depression, etc - may require something a bit stronger than a microdosing. Those may require a macrodose, possibly two, in a session with a guide and therapist, to get to root issues that have created these stubborn pathways so that they can be rewired. Currently many states and provinces in North America are beginning to allow legalized programs that will provide just that. In the meantime, those therapies, in some but not all places, remain in grey or even black areas.
That being said, for the mass amounts of us, our family members, our friends, that feel flat/disconnected from ourselves and our lives, who are disillusioned by the status quo, who've lost our creativity, dabble in depression or anxiety, who’s spark for living is dimmed or who can easily spiral into the existential abyss of the current state of the world - microdosing may well be a massively helpful option. And not only as a short term fix.
Here’s how I came to find this out for myself.
I have a long history of depression and anxiety, beginning in childhood, at a very young age. When I started to understand I didn’t need to feel this way or that other people, in fact, didn’t feel this way, I started trying to figure out how to change my situation. I have always leaned toward the natural versus the pharmaceutical and so spent many, many years and a-whole-lot o’ dollars trying to nail down the perfect combination to balance my mental landscape. I became a Holistic Nutritionist, a yoga teacher, a meditation student (and briefly teacher), I worked out incessantly, spent many, many thousands of dollars on supplements to help my depression and anxiety and even succumbed to SSRIs. Twice. Once at 22, when in a fit of desperation to escape my mental anguish, I downed the whole pack all in one go. And let me tell ya…it wasn’t a great strategy. I VERY much do NOT recommend it. I went back on SSRIs again at 30 after a nervous breakdown where I had lost 20 pounds and looked something like a very short Joan Didion in her black dress phase. They helped (or at least kept me from taking a quick detour out of this life). They somewhat did what they have been designed to do. For me they helped numb, but they did not heal. I was a shell of myself and a shell is not what I wanted to be for the next 40+ years. Eventually, it was microdosing that helped me ween off antidepressants and into a new era of selfhood.*
**As an aside - I am in no way shaming or advising on the efficacy and use of SSRIs. There may be a time when many people need to reach for that type of support, there is no shame in doing what we need to do to keep afloat.**
I have a long history of self-experimentation and self-exploration. From smoking weed from the age of 13 to traveling the world solo from 17 onwards, to doing deep into inner work through all sorts of modalities. I’ve always been looking through the lens of how food or yoga or travel or drugs affect me and my mental health. Which work short term, which work long term? Which cripple me with anxiety for days after, which have an afterglow? And why?
So, I watched as patterns started to emerge. I started to notice what would happen for me, specifically with mushrooms. And this was long before I was aware of any sort of scientific studies or traditional modalities.
With mushrooms, I observed changes in more ways than one. For example, during my depressive times, if I was weeks or months or more into rumination (heavy overthinking), deep self-hatred, annoyance, existential despair - and then I took a high dose of psychedelics there were instant and tangible benefits. Not only would I immediately be connected with my surroundings, my deepest self, the beauty and joy of the mundane, but for weeks and up to months after, I wouldn't feel any of those horrible, soul dampening things I had been feeling before. On the external level, I also noticed I had a strangely beautiful gift to be a guiding ship in the storm. I have always been able to guide another journeyer back to the depth and beauty if they found themselves too dark to carry on (internal awareness can be deeply challenging). I was comfortable facing my own traumas and so was also able to help others to navigate their way through theirs. Much beyond that, I could see that something was happening to me on a physiological level. For weeks following a trip, that part of my mind that was always chattering, that was self-attacking, always holding me back from being my full self, crippling me in public - was quiet. I was freed up to live my life more joyfully, more present and more connected. My brain was altered. And not in that egg-scrambling way the 90s 'Your Brain on Drugs' TV commercials had told me would happen. It was altered for the better.
After years of open-minded, wild exploration and observation, I had come to know that psilocybin (magic mushrooms) could greatly help my mental health in times of crisis. It wasn't until I started microdosing, no longer taking hero doses when I felt the most desperate, but creating a routine and schedule around a psilocybin protocol, that I saw consistently long-lasting and significant changes in my mental health. I have said, and continue to say, that microdosing has been the most significant thing I have ever done for my mental health. And I have clearly made it a huge part of my life to figure out how to feel stable and joyful for longer than just the glow of 2-drinks-deep-at-happy-hour.
For me, the consistency of microdosing, in combination with my previously implemented rituals and care routines, has had the greatest and gentlest effect on my mental health. My most frequent disposition feels more like me, the me I connect with the most as being my true self. More loving, more present, more joyful. It’s lovely and sweet and that disposition is more consistent. It’s not that I don’t feel my full range of emotions, I do. I cry at the despair of the world and laugh until I buckle over, but the deep, low, lows that once made it hard to even get out of bed, don't happen anymore. Again, I'm not saying my feelings of sadness, pain, despair don’t exist, they do. But I don't live in those places anymore. The peaks and valleys aren't so steep anymore. Balance is a practice which I feel much more acquainted with.
Adding a microdosing routine into your self-care ritual takes some work but overall it is fairly simple, direct and effective. It does take insight, trust, guided intentions, some discipline and a willingness to self-observe how and when you're being triggered and affected. But for those of us that have tried it all, spent a ton of money of different supplements, practices, meditation retreats and more without finding the long lasting results we truly know are possible, this is fucking easy.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to balance your mental landscape along with microdosing OR if you've already started your journey, feel free to reach out or sign-up to the email list to be the first to know when the Ritual Folk Microdosing Course is released.
You can find the link to the course here--- Ritual Microdosing Course
Already started microdosing?
And if you've already started or are ready to start your journey and want a way to keep on track and intentional, check out the Ritual Folk Daily Dosing Journal.
It's a 3 month journal created to help you track your progress and growth, to keep you intentional with your microdosing program. Each day you'll be prompted to check in with yourself, each month you'll get to come back to your intentions and review how you feel you're transforming.
You can also find it on Amazon --- Daily Dosing Journal on Amazon
*It is not recommended to combine SSRIs with psychedelics like Psilocybin or LSD as both function on the same receptors in the brain and can lead to Serotonin Syndrome, which can be lethal. If you’d like to discuss or learn more, feel free to reach out to me or connect with your doctor about weening off of SSRIs before starting any microdosing (or macrodosing!) plan.
Sources;
The Psilocybin Connection, Jahan Khamsehzadeh
The Psychedelic Reader, Ralph Metzner + Gunter M. Weil
